My NYSC Experience As A Microcosm of Nigeria - Part 3

NYSC has become the playground and battlefield of schizophrenics. I wouldn't understand why a loosely regulated scheme as the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) would be a mandatory criterion for employment and postgraduate education in Nigeria. It was unbecoming that the corps would allow just about anybody to get access to its regalia/uniform and deceive other corps members. In my own case, I was naive as to why anybody would leave home for one whole year to claim a corps member if he/she was actually not a graduate of a tertiary institution in the country. I was really disturbed that the corps did not allow me the opportunity to live in another state besides Oyo and my home state of Abia. I wanted something different and I had worked hard to deserve better. Anyway, it was supposed to be a one-year ordeal and that was fine.

The corps itself was not an issue at all. It wasn't a vacation but I wouldn't know it was going to be vendetta either. I hadn't known that I had ruffled some feathers while a student of the nearby University of Ibadan. Did I? Whose feathers were ruffled and why? I had lived off campus because of the unsanitary situation and condition of the female halls of residence. I lived in Idia Hall in my year one and swore to never return to that hall. It was the most filthy place any human being would live in. I wasn't disposed to flushing toilets after idiots and even in my home it's an issue. I believe that it disgusted the white man enough to see another's excreta that he had to invent the water cistern. Any wonder we are less human in Africa since it's a privilege for our faeces to greet another human being? It's not a tribal thing. Oh! Don't come to Aba as human excreta is littered everywhere in the streets. So, it's not a Yoruba vs Igbo thing. Filth is filth.

The NYSC was a necessary evil that I have come to abhour since my return from the USA in 2011. I had no idea that while I was away a party was being organized in my absence. The women in my batch were probably trying to force my hands to accept their legitimacy. I had largely ignored them because mine was a queer group that had assembled at Air Force Comprehensive School, Iyana Offa in September, 2004. Like I said in the first post of this series, a corps member in the previous batch posted to the school came to the orientation camp at Iseyin and brought us to Iyana Offa on a bus. She encouraged us to board the bus because Iyana Offa was a long way away from Iseyin. There were also announcements in the camp grounds for corps members to find buses to their respective local government areas. There were plenty buses on the day that the camp dispersed and it wasn't strange that I would board this particular bus to Iyana Offa. As a matter of fact, there were other corps members including those posted to the Lagelu secretariat on board. It was an unfamiliar terrain for me and I was content with the outcome of the trip. Eventually, we were brought to the school premises when other corps members had disembarked at their respective places of primary assignment. The corps members in my group would include:

Ijeoma Monica Njoku: This is my humble self, the blogger here. I was born and raised in Aba, Abia State. I attended the University of Ibadan and graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Igbo in 2004. I am Igbo and fully Nigerian. I hadn't been to the Air Force Comprehensive School, Ibadan premises before the orientation programme and before the placement at Iyana Offa. While I didn't influence any of my NYSC postings, it was a little unsettling that I would be posted to a military base that I didn't ask for. I preferred being in the army barracks whatever created that fancy in me, I wouldn't know. I didn't know much about the military as I didn't grow up in the city where there were military stations or bases. I had preferred IITA so that it would be a short service at best. But I was glad that I got a place to honour the gods of the NYSC and move on with my life. Once beaten twice shy. If I hadn't accepted to study Igbo in the first instance at UI, nobody would tell me that I wasn't asked to be his Igbo teacher.

Mabel Ezeobi: 'Madam'. This was the one woman that I wouldn't know if she was a victim or a villain. She allegedly graduated the University of Nigeria Nsukka with a bachelor's degree in French (possibly with a degree in Education). It was hard to understand why a woman of her age would embark on the adventure to observe the NYSC since she could receive an exemption certificate. In the first few days that I had met her on the AFCS compound I asked her why she had to fulfil the corps as she was past the age. She claimed that a discharge certificate would yield more dividend for her than an certificate of exemption. I sympathised with her and thought that it was a bad country that we all found ourselves in. It was difficult for me to understand that she would actually be quite the traitor. I noticed that she was actually not given to being called "Madam." LOL. Perhaps she had wanted to tell me that she was my age mate. NYSC limited the age of participation to 30 years so I didn't understand her audacity, anyway. But some Anambra women sha. She lived in Onitsha and didn't want to fulfil the corps from home. Perhaps she had to hide from neighbours. She taught French. Maybe it was French to be recalcitrant. Who knew? Ha! This woman monopolized my radio set for one year and I couldn't even listen to the news. We were roommates when we agreed to share rooms in order to be accommodated on the AFCS compound. She also shared her meals with me when she went to her sister's place at Ibadan for some weekends. Our HOD, Mr Olufemi (another French teacher) would call her 'my mother' because we were always together. For me, this was a security measure because I was afraid of the bushes in that compound. It was some scary forest to me. Oh! There's a lot to tell but let me not get to gossip and mudslinging. But NYSC, how did you let the mother of a 22 year old woman share my room, for crying out loud? She now has the effrontery of a stalker complete with a discharge certificate, which she showed to me. And I'm not sure if she actually is responsible for my missing (notes of lessons) notebook a few days before departure in 2005. And a missing NYSC pin on the day of departure? Does she teach Igbo, does anybody know? She claimed a graduate of the University of Nigeria Nsukka. I haven't had a physical meeting with her since 2005. Gozie Okeke and Paul Nwokeocha would forever become the most annoying gospel artists since Mabel would play nothing but their tracks for one whole year. I retired my radio after it would no longer play. Actually, it hasn't played since I retrieved it from Madam Ezeobi since Iyana Off a. Some people sef...maybe Nigerians should be checked against mental illness before NYSC mobilization. Maybe fill out a motivation questionnaire and/or the corps made voluntary for all graduates?

Uche Ohagwu: This was the artist in the Batch. He allegedly graduated the Institute of Management Technology (IMT), Enugu with a higher national diploma in Fine Arts. There was another Fine Arts teacher in the previous batch. Uche was a graduate of IMT, Institute of Management of Technology, Enugu. Let me use this opportunity to make it clear that nobody in this group was known to before Iyana Offa. I hadn't heard about any of these fellows prior to being brought to my place of primary assignment. So, if there were any issues, they were hatched on that compound. Uche and I had participated in the NYSC/UNICEF sponsored peer education training that was supposed to benefit the students of the school. Unfortunately, the commandant, then Wing Commander J.A. Ogunbiyi, would not let that happen. So, we were denied our vocation. Uche was a lively person. Again, I would refrain from talking about personal weaknesses; that's not what I came to do. I came to do Gowon. To do that which must be done even if it served no
meaningful purpose. Uche became close friends with Nanzing Uyep and went everywhere with Ijeoma Iwuchukwu, and that rattled me a little. I shall tell you why presently. But Uche was a gifted artist and knew people like Tuface with whom he performed in Enugu back in the day. Uche was from Enugu State, I believed. He had wanted to do a mural for community development but there were no funds for that then.

Nanzing Wuyep: He allegedly graduated (I couldn't recall which school) with a degree in Psychology.How was he a corps member? Nanzing was probably the youngest among us. I was 24 and I wondered how old he was. He was hardly on the premises and I believed that it was as a result of a security concern. As the supposed son of the Chief of Air Staff, it was probably unsafe for him to be at Iyana Offa. Or was he like Akeem in Coming to America, and had come to sow his royal oats in Ibadan? I wasn't impressed that he wasn't regular to work and it was excused. In fact, everybody else on that compound, except me, got what they wanted. They did what they wanted and it was OK. I had learned through the grapevine that Nanzing wasn't a biological son of the Oga At The Top. But it did not matter to me if he was the son or not I didn't like that he wasn't humble. Haba! He was always at Babcok Univerisity with his girlfriend. Is that how to run Nigeria? If his father was President is that how our president's son would treat us like slaves? Monica dey work, Nanzing dey flex? Mbakwa oooo.... Imagine, my silly friend, an officer would iron Nanzing's, a corper's clothes? Sorry, I'm not humble and not a butt licker. Maybe it paid off for Peter Ayuba Garba.

Ijeoma Iwuchukwu: Yes, there was another Ijeoma in that group. She was the other woman from Anambra State besides Madam Mabel Ezeobi. Like Ezeobi, Iwuchukwu claimed to have graduated the University of Nigeria Nsukka with a Bachelor of Science in Agricultural Economics. But I wasn't sure if that claim was true. It wasn't my job to verify any of those claims. While she was the most boisterous of the group and a delight to have around, I found her behaviour uncouth and kept my distance. I believed that formal education especially tertiary education was supposed to give some sort of polish to graduates. I found this missing in this graduate of UNN. I wondered how she had graduated university. But it wasn't for me to say. Again, it wasn't my job to sanitise the school system. I was intimated rather late that she was following me around the school to imitate what I did especially cookery stuff. I learned to bake cake and fry chin chin from the Home Economics teacher a one Mrs Ajimati. I didn't realize this was taboo. Maybe not? I noticed that Ijeoma Iwuchukwu did not wear the NYSC regalia and asked her why not. She claimed that the corps had exhausted their uniform and she didn't get any. For one year? She couldn't go to the secretariat to get her uniform? Even in the next batch six months later? Hmm...was she a real corper? A bona fide corps member? Who knew and hid for her? If she was a fake, she would stalk because she didn't have the vocation of a graduate of a Nigerian school. Umu nwaanyi! Oku elu. She brought a man to sleep in the female corps members apartment for four days and three nights. She made him stay with her and Theresa and bathed in our bathroom and used our toilet. I would have sent him to the male corps members apartment if he were my visitor. But cultures are different. To each her own. Of course, I didn't report this offensive intrusion to anybody in authority. I complained once to my own roommate, Mrs Mabel Ezeobi, in which I asked if he was going to be living with us, the women? Lol. Haba! In retrospect, I dismissed it as "wawa attitude," which was a rather condescending acceptance of certain primitive tendencies of people from Enugu State. I didn't know the identity of the man nor his mission but I would later find out that he was a suitor of hers from Madam Ezeobi. That was the only time that I discussed her with anybody mostly because I didn't to know when her visitor would be leaving. I didn't speak to her because I considered her overt behaviour as uncouth. At another instance, I had asked Theresa Agbugui why she was quarrelling wiht her roommate. I should be quarrelling with mine if I had known any better. Ms Iwuchukwu was the only corps member among the four of us who had a staple on her wardrobe door. I thought that was ingenious of her. I should have done the same too. What a way to keep a thief out, if it solved any problem for her. She also would turn off the lights of one apartment (with one Baba Coach) that she frequented and when I once reported the incident to Flying Officer Peter Garba, he got very cross with me. Yes, that compound didn't like me to complain about anything at all. Wayo people.

Theresa Agbugui: She told me that graduted the University of Port Harcourt with a degree in Polical Science. I could recall that much. She was roommates with Ijeoma Iwuchukwu. She was the luckiest among us as she stayed her work hours with the guy in uniform, one Oyekale.Theresa was from Agenebode, Edo State. She made me believe that she was going out with G.O.C Oyekale who asked her to sit in his office. She was of course the one who would take what happened in the apartment to the leaders of the school. For one year, Ms Agbugui was in a visitor's arm chair. How would anybody work out of such a restricted place? How much work would she do? She was the night walker and braved the dark elements. Perhaps she got wind that anyone could do just about anything on that compound but it had to be done in the cover of the night. Anyway, it wasn't my job to tell other corps members with whom to work. It was the job of the people who were in charge of the corps members. It was with regret that I saw that working there gave her definite airs and allowed her to do as she wished. She was also over the age limit. She got no pass to leave the compound and left at will to visit with people. It wasn't that we were not in good terms, she would be considered my friend but I didn't take anybody for granted. I wasn't in a convent to the best of my knowledge or in a nursery school for that matter. But for Nigeria or anywhere to be a place where we would get gain by our connections; this wasn't fair. This compound proved that favouritism was still in use. It was no problem that she befriended one Mrs Ajimati who could make things easy for her. The woman was supposedly from Theresa's village, Agenebode. Was it for Theresa that an Igbo air woman named Cecilia who worked with the officer Theresa attached, resigned the Nigerian Air Force? Perhaps she didn't like becoming a servant to a peasant...Lol! I have issues with people like Theresa Agbugui (now married as Ame) milling around my family compound at Aba and Isiala Ngwa after the NYSC. If NYSC is reason to infiltrate my life, then I have issues with the NYSC. Is it a corps or a corps of vendetta? And what vendetta? I didn't have a sexual relationship with any other corps member. Did Theresa? I only had an intimate relationship with one air force officer. How many did Theresa? Who's the saint, who's the villain? Who has rights of redress? I think I was wronged. And I take my case against Nigeria that would plant spies and still plants spies in my life till date. Perhaps she was in conference with the University of Character, some blocks away? The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of Double Standards? Theresa was Catholic. Apparently, it was OK for catholic women to field several men in their curriculum vitae before marriage? Oh! The things we do with the confidences we bear. She who lived in a glass house needed not throw stones. When I can, I won't hesitate to press charges against these mad stalkers whose whereabouts are not clear to me till date.

Isa Abubakar: Malam. Was he almajiri? I didn't know anything about him except that he allegedly graduated BUK - Bayero University Kano - with a degree in Hausa. He taught Hausa language. He was from Kano State, a civil servant then or so I believed. He was very angry when he found a Quaran in my possession and reported me to the commandant. The Quaran was found in a locker belonging to a student. She had left the book in her locker and it was the only one in it. Students were asked to clear their lockers for the examinations. The commandant supported Isa and warned that if it had been in the North it would have caused more problem to touch a Quaran. Banza. What do I want with a Quaran? I was merely curious. And even in the USA when I could have bought one at the store, I was so repelled by this incident that I bought an extra tooth brush instead. I didn't want to understand silly people. After all, all their formal education would do nothing for them. It was OK to hide a cheat book in a locker than have an infidel like me touch it? Even the commandant said nothing about my notebook stolen by somebody in that company. That wasn't a problem, not sacrilege. No reason to lynch anybody. Of course, it had annoyed me that the said notebook was customized to AFCS, Ibadan, So what? Was that why it was the right of anybody to steal my hard work for one year? A bona fide that I did observe the NYSC at the school? So, the commandant wasn't fair to me at all. He had loved every gossip that tarnished my image and I hold Nigeria responsible for it.

In summary, many people wouldn't understand why I have shamed the corps that has empowered thousands of Nigerians in various professions, got many couples married, gave other good things to Nigerians. The truth is that this is Nigeria where evil is celebrated. If I had to score anybody, I would score Theresa and Nanzing poorly. That wasn't the case. Theresa collected Nanzing's allowance for over six months because he didn't need it. I didn't understand why Nanzing would allow that, but he was a big boy. So, what would he do with peanuts? Theresa told me of her escapades but it wasn't my place to gossip to anybody. I didn't have a listening ear in any of the officers, including the guy from Kebbi State that I had dated. I was Ijeoma, a no nonsense feminist and still am. Theresa got married to some guy Tony in Jos in 2005. If it were me, all I did would in the papers. I had his number but have never been in touch with him. It wasn't in me to thwart another's good plans. I hate evil. I left Nigeria to her fate: a country that romanticizes evil and rewards injustice. If it wasn't the Quaran it was that I dated two men in a compound, while others like Theresa had sexual relationships with as many men as brought the money. Who gave her all the money that she counted in front of other corps members? Who is a prostitute? It is a person who has sex for money. Nobody paid me for sex and I never went to NYSC to engage in sex work. No, thank you, Nigeria. I ought to have redeployed so that the party would have fun without me.
Lessons: Corpers steal from corps members. They suffer from kleptomania. I misplaced my note of lesson, a show of my hard work for a whole year! Somebody stole my NYSC plastic pin. People pilfer like their lives depended on it. I wouldn't understand why anybody would take another's broach. Why? NIgeria needs a national secular culture that doesn't tolerate whatever your mother or father told you that insults any other human being. I hope to speak on this in another blog post. So much for uniting a country with misfit, thieves, armed robbers and enemies of progress.