Every parent must know that in order to aid the society, they owe the duty of raising children who will become independent adults. Here are a few important things that parents must know about their children.
- Parents mustn't be friends with their children. Don't turn your child into your sounding board for all that transpired between your spouse, colleague, relative, neighbour, relative or even another friend and you. Turn to your diary or another adult for that sort of activity. Don't turn your child into a gossip.
- Learn that your child has his or her own friends. Don't be friends with your child's friends just to know happenings in his or her life. It is rude and arrogant of you to join your child's friend network. Be cognizant of your age and do the appropriate things. Do the right thing and get out of your child's life by keeping your own friends and keeping away from their own.
- You can't be everywhere with your child because that is a separate entity. Don't keep spies to watch your child's activities. You're a jerk to have done that and do stop it henceforth. Everybody has a right to privacy and a private life. Shame on you if you are always gossip hungry. Cure your control paranoia. You want to be you and your child too. Isn't it disgusting?
- Don't pit children against each other. Each child has their unique virtues and vices. I see the story of Jacob and Esau replaying in families everywhere including mine. Parents want one child to succeed and seem a stumbling block to the successes of another child or other children. This shouldn't be the case. Abi?
- You don't have to reveal every detail about your child to your best
friend, family member or associate. Don't discuss your children with
strangers. It does matter that your child is struggling with her class
work and needs help, but the neighbour doesn't need to know so. Your
child's teacher is the only person who has the solution to this concern
or problem not your pastor. It's not a spiritual problem. It's probably a
problem at home that's the trigger or cause or your child needs help
with learning. Your friends aren't always going to tell you what they
really think of you or your child(ren). I needn't say that many children
have been kidnapped because of unnecessary information given to friends
who nowadays are better seen as 'frienemies.' Beware of setting your
child up for failure through unsolicited promotion or dehumanization
shared with another adult.
- There are four places you must realize that you don't fully understand what happens to or affects your child while they are there or after they have been through them. But you must still let them exercise their humanity.
- School: A child goes to school to learn. He or she meets other characters, other children, at school. What's your role for that child? Your role is to provide his or her needs as appropriate advice and autonomy, which is dependent on the age of the child. A young child needs fair monitoring not spying. An adult child needs full autonomy. Don't send spies after your child. They are busybodies who will eventually destroy your lives. A monitor is known to your child who knows that he's being checked but a spy's mission is unknown to your child and sometimes not even to you. Spies serve devious purposes. Don't turn your child's classmates or school mates into his or her spies. Do not give other people undue advantage over your own child, or member of your family.
- Military: The military is another place where parents must be careful how they handle events from that establishment. Men in uniform have various missions and purposes. Children often get sent to military schools. These are traps that are often not known to parents. Your child or ward would meet with people of all character and temperament. Do not agree to be used by contacts from the military. Always run every piece of information, gossip or advice by your children before due consideration is employed. The military engage all sorts of people in their work, some of them unwholesome members of the society such as harlots, prostitutes, armed robbers, kidnappers, thieves, burglars, busybodies, etc. BE WARNED! Don't get lured by the vainglory of feeling used, useful and or important. It is a snare, a trap that shames the captive eventually to be easy prey for the vile Nigerian military establishments.
- Employment: Keep off of your child's workplace. As next of kin or emergency contact, your job is not to be the spy for your child's detractors, colleagues or enemies. Your job is to be accessible if there's an emergency.
- Temporary employment/workplace: Whether it's for school such as an internship or voluntary work such as the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) or volunteer work such as the peace corps or the Americorps or Teach for Nigeria or whatever temp work has to be done, be careful with whom you communicate about your child. Don't give anybody the opportunity to disrespect your child or ward.
Every child needs:
- Respect
- Love not lust
- Education, given to all children equally
- Security
- Autonomy/Independence
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