Smelling like men. Help! We are addicted to Old Spice.

 
Today is Saturday. It's obvious that I have some time on my hands to play around on the Internet. Well, I'm actually working if you count that blogging has brought fortunes to some hard working fellows. It's fun and work for me. Right now, it's work because I'm actually thinking while typing away at my desktop computer.

Let me tell you a little story. While I was still Christian and (then Mormon, or a member of the LDS Church) I did a missionary stint in Houston, Texas in 2006. Those who are familiar with the Houston summer weather know it ain't sweet sweet in the hot and humid afternoons. I was on a bicycle and I would cycle away in the very hot hot summer afternoon. I didn't like it, to be honest. I didn't know how to ride a bicycle in Nigeria and learning that and trying to stay live was a lot of work. The menfolk often joked about vehicles trying to "clip" them whatever that meant. I was so afraid of the roads. Anyway, I found out that one of the women I served (worked) with used Old Spice deodorant. It was my first introduction to the stick deodorant. Actually, way back in college (secondary school) one of my classmates used stick deodorant, but it wasn't Old Spice. It was some white stuff similar to Dove.

I returned to Nigeria and introduced my family to Old Spice. Everybody liked it, male and female. It was a day like no other when I found out that actually the stick deodorant was meant for men. Uh! It was a huge disappointment. Since I didn't like the idea of smelling like a man, I decided to look for an alternative. There was Dove but it was hardly in regular supply. I had used the liquid antiperspirant in High School. I used almost all that you can think of, from Avon (and its brands) to Starline (and its variants), until the Old Spice miracle happened. Hmm...now, I'm at a crossroads. My fear of smelling like men got so bad that I stopped wearing deodorants for a long time. It wasn't comfortable but I endured it, and made people to endure me, I believed.

It doesn't help that Old Spice advertises that their deodorant is for men. Check out some of their cool slogans:

 Contains odor-fighting "atomic robots" that "shoot lasers" at your "stench monsters" and replaces them with fresh, clean, masculine "scent elves."

Atomic robots? Stench monsters? Now, I'm gagging...oops. Why are they so unkind to not discerning womenfolk like me? As if that wasn't enough, one of the brands reads:

If your grandfather hadn't worn it, you wouldn't exist.

Chei! What did your grandmother wear, please? That's all I'm asking. Since there's no Shoprite in Aba yet, I can't go all out to Enugu to shop for feminine stick (it must be stick) deodorant. Royal Supermarket, a local favourite of mine, loves it some Old Spice, that's pretty much all the stick deodorant I see and like there. I shall be shooting my "waka waka" (walk) to Cemetery Market to determine if anything has changed in the women's aisle. I can't go around town smelling like Mike Tyson, mbanu! Something needs to be done about it. Old Spice needs to introduce a feminine line for me, please.

Oh! Thanks to my one and only love, I still have some feminine perfume to cover up the "masculine fresh stench" of me trying to smell American. 

Have a look at these men and their biceps: what actually are they advertising here? Hotness.