I found the Merriam-Webster definition close to the Oxford Advanced Learner's definition so here it is: Feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. Matriarchy is a family, group, or government controlled by a woman or a group of women. So, when and should Nigeria get her first female president would we have a matriarchy? Until then. However, I am trying to differentiate both terms not with the intent to cast aspersions but to ensure that we are not just jostling for power and authority when we speak about feminism. If you want to become leader or follower go ahead and be one we don't have to engage in the feminist applause because you are power hungry just like every patriarch we are trying to upstage in this inglorious country called Nigeria.
Two terms determine matriarchy: power and authority. Is that what defines feminism? No. What defines feminism are: rights and opportunities. Equality is what binds these two terms together everywhere. The matriarch wants equal power and authority as the men. The feminist wants equal rights and opportunities as the men. The feminist is interested in the other. The matriarch/patriarch is interested in the self. The feminist lives in the society where she is happy as a follower or leader. The matriarch/patriarch must be in charge.
When there is work to be done the feminist asks: who could do it? The matriarch/patriarch asks: who should do it? The feminist doesn't mind getting dirty when work has to be done. Not the matriarch whose power and authority would be diminished if she had to do the work, where are her servants? A leader is servile, a matriarch is served. I don't want to reduce this rhetoric to the pot calling the kettle black. To me, feminism is about responsibility. If you can't see the difference, then don't bother.
All over the world patriarchy is the evil that has kept women in bondage and servitude. Matriarchy would do same, only that the sexes have changed roles. Not feminism. A feminist knows that she can't be equal to men in many aspects. If you are talking feminism and bride price, then you have the wrong attitude to life. A woman who gets her bride price paid for by a man knows that she has been accorded some kind of respect that puts her in a purchased position. Why was the bride price paid? To acquire a new mate so to speak, to bear your name and bear your children too. This is an African sentiment, of course. I don't think oyinbo pays bride price. When you buy a dog, you bring her home and give her a (new) name. You may choose to keep the old name if you liked it too. But women acquire new names out of choice, tradition and ease of identity. So, I married from Igala or Urhobo or England and my maiden name was Njoku or Ekenna. When the women of Igala or Urhobo or England are having a meeting I would say I'm Ms Njoku or Ms Ekenna from which clan? I'm of Gbemisola local government area of Igalaland or Urhoboland. Mbanu! I don't have to be the only one with that attitude. Would I be so concerned about such idiosyncrasy if I married at 15, 18 or even 21 years of age? Or is that what I get for marrying late when I don tear eye finish? But marriage isn't about renown it's a decision to be in partnership not combat with another. Yes?
Feminism isn't hedonism. Feminists bear pain of being misunderstood. They go through labor the natural way if they can and choose to do so. Feminism isn't lesbianism. That I'm celibate and don't go around with men doesn't a lesbian make me or any other woman for that matter. Feminism isn't sadism. Haba! Be happy for another woman's good fortune. If she got married before you, alright. You don't go around telling the whole world that she got cheap and married a rich man who would bear her responsibilities. Nothing makes you feminist because you are an old maid. That another got a degree before isn't a war, be happy for other people. Feminism is not witchcraft. It's not arrogance, pride, audacity, effrontery or entitlement. If you are feminist enough to commit a crime be feminist enough to face the consequences. Feminism is not opportunism. And that other ism called narcissism. Ha! If you like yourself so tey you don't want to lose your shape with pregnancy do keep fit and remain in shape. You don't have to tell the whole world that they are ugly because you choose to live forever. I'm a feminist who knows my natural limitations. I may have put personal ambitions before family commitments. That's a personal choice. It has its upside and down time. That your younger sister got married at 18 or 20 doesn't make her any less feminist. Naturally, we should know from trial and error what works best for most people in every society. If getting married late worked for you and allowed you to see the world in all of its spherical shapes fine preach that. Don't term it FEMINISM. Call you selfish. It's OK, that's human. Even the preacher is fallible and gullible.
Feminism should empower you to pick up your own end of the stick. You should pay rent, utilities, tuition and do house chores. If you want to be a trophy wife and sit pretty at home, be happy to be called that not a feminist! House work is hard work, let it be known that you are a housewife doing house chores as your own contributions to your marriage and family. If that makes you bitter and you want to work out of or away from the home, I think that you should contribute to paying hired house helps. Don't think that it's just the man's job to pay for your presence in his life. Umu nwasnyi! So when he dies you claim all he's worked hard all his life to earn. Feminists have a life. They don't claim one. They are not going to marry just to inherit property. That is a fraud not a marriage. Yes! A matriarch would do that to assert her authority, power and influence. I'm not the headmistress of feminism so I have no exhaustive exposition on feminism. But I have summarized my understanding of the differences between feminism and matriarchy in one word: RESPONSIBILITY.
Train or raise both boys and girls to be responsible. Let them learn the work could be done by anybody. Let them give and take responsibly. It is not who should do the work but who could do it and that's everybody. If the lawn needs mowing and you are a woman buy a lawn mower or give the lawn a nice weeding with a hoe. Get the work done or hire a help. Don't wait for a man to do it unless an agreement is in place for him to do so. I think my time is running out in the cyber cafe. Maybe...next year I would do some more writing on this, especially on how men misconstrue feminism while I look to read Ms Adichie's book on the topic.
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