10 Wrong Reasons to Marry

Wrong Reasons to Marry

Marriage: Treasure, Pressure or Pleasure?

Disclaimer: I’m not married. So, take this advice with a pinch of salt. It’s not the grail or the only truth on earth. It’s just my way of disclosing my findings when it comes to choosing a marriage mate. It’s not rocket science. You probably figured it out all along and consider it a no brainer. You don’t even have to read this piece. In case you’re still interested in reading, here are ten (10) wrong reasons to marry. You are welcome to add yours. They include:

10. Compulsion: Strong pressure that makes somebody do something that they do not want to do. Do you know a couple that got married without meaning to? Chances are there was pressure mounted on them to get married. Nobody says that no marriage has happened that that didn’t lead to eventual happiness. However, pressure is a wrong reason to marry. Unwanted pregnancies, saving family legacy, rape, maintaining work or social status are often some reasons that have compelled couples to marry or remain together. Many cultures in Africa and especially in Uganda mandate marriage after a rape but such compulsion mustn’t make the marriage happy.  

9. Conceit: Too much pride in yourself and what you do. Achievements are good and everyone wants to be a winner. Taking pride in one’s own achievement isn’t necessarily bad but that it’s often said, there’s a limit for everything. Educational attainment, wealth accumulation, stable employment, secure mindset are some things that could fill one with conceit. It’s not enough to be a graduate and head off to the bridal store to go fetch a bride. Being a celebrity is not good enough reason to marry. Or jump in with the next marriage proposal because ‘you have arrived at your station.’ Marriage is desirable; never get me saying what I didn’t say. Do marry. But don’t marry for all that you have in your bank account. Perhaps you are the most important banker in your bank or the most valuable player in your team, you know for those sweet footballers. Those are wonderful achievements but not in themselves the only reason to get on your knee and propose marriage to a lady or head with a man just because you are comfortable with footing the bill. Anyway, suit yourself.

8. Pity: A feeling of sympathy and sadness caused by the suffering and troubles of others. Yes, pity is one of the reasons why some people have got married and are still married. While it’s wonderful to have the wonderful trait of sympathy for another, it’s not a good reason to marry or spend your life with someone necessarily. Perhaps somebody has lost a great part of their life and you want to fill the void. Maybe they are looking for financial assistance and you become the bridge or the help they seek. Yet, this isn’t a good reason to accept a marriage proposal or give one. Look for another good reason and add to it if you must have pity on somebody and marry them.  

7. Obsession: The state in which a person’s mind is completely filled with thoughts of one particular thing or person in a way that is not normal. Now, don’t get me wrong. You aren’t likely to marry a log of wood or somebody you aren’t faintly interest in. Right? You aren’t on a business meeting with your spouse in your bedroom. Come on, you are trying to be happy here. However, when you find out that you are always caught thinking about one particular person and would like to do nothing else, it’s not good enough reason to want to get married. Find out if you’re in love or merely infatuated with this person. Or you like the chase. You enjoy the attention. Unfortunately, those aren’t in themselves strong reasons to marry. In fact, obsession is a bad thing. It’s even a mental illness. There’s OCD, you know. This one I dare to call relational OCD. When you are filled with thoughts of one wonderful person and no other person appeals to you or exists as far as you are concerned. Give yourself a break to determine if this is actually a normal thing happening to you. Don’t marry anyone who’s obsessed with you. Predators stalk their prey for long hours and even days before pouncing on them or tricking them.

6. Deceit: An act or practice intended to deceive; a trick; deliberately misleading or cheating. Marriage is between two consenting adults to hold in trust and security. It is supposed to be contracted on the principles of truth and good conscience. It’s not my job to tell anybody the reason why they are getting married. But I feel that I could suggest that deceit is a wrong reason to marry. Why would you lead anybody to believe that you needed them as a spouse if you weren’t sincere? Many marriages have been dissolved after deceit was discovered as a basis for their initiation. Most marriages to foreigners come under this category. Many people have married for immigration purposes both black and white, meant for permanent residence or even citizenship of countries of the world. Not all of them have been done responsibly. Don’t be a victim or perpetrator of fraudulent marriage.

5. Rivalry: A state in which two persons, etc. are competing for the same thing. Perhaps he’s a dashing young man. He’s probably a young business tycoon in your neighbourhood or church or postgraduate school or he’s just has the right car for a great babe like you to cruise in. Whatever else makes you a rival or bait if you are the one being pursued should be considered a warning sign. Are you interested in marriage this person just because somebody else is interested in them? Is s/he interested in you because s/he sees you with somebody else and wants to prove him or her more dependable?

4. Spite: A feeling of wanting to hurt or upset somebody. I don’t know why anybody would go ahead to marry out of spite. This is often the case where there are ill feelings towards a marriage prospect. I know may people would disagree with me but it’s a wrong reason to marry. If you go out of your way to marry your ex-boyfriend’s best friend in order to hurt or upset him, chances are you’ll run out of luck sooner than you’ll imagine. I don’t even understand why I’ve included this but I think it’s an important wrong reason to marry.

3. Defiance: Open refusal to obey somebody or something. Many marriages have been without the blessing of parents, family and even friends. Those who choose to marry solely for the purpose of disobeying others stand the risk of getting into trouble and losing their foothold. Don’t rush into marriage because you need to show everyone that you have emancipated from parental control. If a man is interested in you, he should want a woman who doesn’t defy just causing trouble. However, if you needn’t be told that not everybody is going to buy the ticket to your marriage show, so apply wisdom here. When it’s necessary to go ahead even without a full train of supporters go ahead, knowing full well that you understand what’s at stake.

2. Indulgence: The state or act of having or doing whatever you want; the state of allowing somebody to have or do whatever you want; something that you allow yourself to have even though it is not essential; willingness to ignore the weaknesses in somebody or something. Everybody wants a supporter’s club. Yes, we want people to be on our team and cheer us to a win. Indulgence isn’t in itself taboo. We want acceptance but it’s not about us all the time. When a man or woman lets you have your way all the time it’s not necessarily a good reason to marry him or her. Catering to one’s whims and caprices only allows for abuse of privilege. Most young women who marry much older men are in this category. The men carry them as trophies and give them all they want. Yes, many of such marriages have been blessed with fortunes and wealth. It’s not going to be the right reason to marry anyway. When the going gets tough and you are no longer indulged or indulging, are you staying the course or going to ditch the marriage train?

1. Desperation: The state of feeling or showing that you have little hope and are ready to do anything without worrying about danger to yourself or others. Tick…tuck…tick…tuck. Can you hear the clock ticking away? Isn’t that scary, how time passes away? You were ten only just a few decades ago and now you are thirty, forty and how old again? It’s often the reason most women marry on time anyway. They don’t want to be in their thirties and single and just hop on the next available marriage train. Yes, Mrs. Somebody has arrived. Mr. Bachelor has ditched the wayward people’s drinking parlour. Desperation leads to despondence. You don’t want to feel that marriage is the only option you have on earth. Many men have also married out of desperation. They went to church, found a nice woman who sat pretty and marriage happened without fully understanding the risks involved with a possible union. Perhaps you are without a job and marriage is just the nice pay cheque or even the feeding plan. It’s a wrong reason to marry or to have married.

I don’t want to come off as preaching against marriage. No. I’m only here explaining wrong reasons to marry for men and women. I’m not interested in being a career marriage woman. There are people who have had three, four, others five different marriages, some with children in all such places. The African magician at his or her ploys and getting great recognition while at them isn’t a good candidate for marriage. There are chances many of them were contracted because of one of these wrong reasons explained here or a combination of them.